Songtext My left nut itch Devin The Dude

My left nut itch

A-are you still with the Network Health insurance this year?
I am no longer with them, but if you can help me, I would gladly be with you guys!
'Kay, well, we're not—we're not offering health insurance
Uh, well, what are you—
I work with all the small-type members of Network Health plans
Hmm!
So, are you not insured through your employer this year?
Uh actually, I need some insurance. I'm glad you called, 'cause I need some help. I have a situation, I don't know where to go, but with your plan, I'm pretty sure you can give me somewhere to go to relieve me of my left ball itch
Eh... okay, Devin?
Yes, sir?
— with the Network Health group—are you still with the Network Health insurance?
Uh, do you think, from your work experience, that you guys can help me with my left nut itching constantly, every day? What do you think?
We don't have anything to fix for that
Well, what about the right nut itching every day?
We have... nothing for that either
For no nuts?
No
You don't have a testicle clause in there anywhere?
No
Glad you can't be of help! You're wasting my time, and my left nut is still itching, you son of a bitch

Another block beater for you musty cock eaters
Ashy ankle niggas with no socks who rock sneakers
I'm just fuckin' with ya, I don't knock peoples
Unless you love to smoke, but you never got reefer
I'm not new, they call me school, but I'm a leader
With my Peter, I'll pipe your wife in my Adidas
To the crowd, for an hour I'll keep ya
Blow front row, in the back, top bleachers
Wave your dick beaters in the air, freaky bitches
But hide your panties from your man, he'll see the leakage
Ay Dave, that's not gonna work man, you gotta try somethin' else. No, I'm serious, try somethin' else
These freaks and these sluts be like Swisher Sweet guts
Get dumped after I give them this meat and these nuts
I date 'em, fake 'em, erase 'em, replace 'em
You chase 'em, you take 'em, mace 'em, then rape 'em
For goodness' sake, I'm just sayin' I'm the opposite
Never have to lie on my dick, but still I'm not a snitch
I got a bitch who—
Ay Dave, that's not gonna work either, buddy. Nope
Bitches tiptoe to put the tulips on my pubics
I grab 'em by their two hips, twist their legs up like a Rubik's Cube
Who? It's Dude, or just call me Devin
Every hour of the day I'm coffee-sippin'
Never whippin' my dick out unless I plan to use it
Like your gun or your wallet, man, you can't abuse it
You—what?
God damn, man, [?]... don't even worry about it, man, don't—don't worry about it