Songtext Mansion Nf

Mansion

Insidious is blind inception
What's reality with all these questions?
Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in)

Broken legs but I chase perfection
These walls are my blank expression
My mind is a home I'm trapped in
And it´s only inside this mansion

Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics
Threw all over the place, and songs in the mirrors
I´s written all over the floors, all over the chairs
You get the uncut version of life and I go downstairs
That's where I write when I'm in a bad place I need to release
And let out the version of NF you don't want to see
I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed
You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me
Physically abused, now that's the room I don't want to be in
That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't want to see it
And these walls ain't gray, I just think I don't want to see 'em
But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em

I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around
Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground
Matter of fact I think Imma burn this room right now
So now this memory for some reason just moved you down
You pull me in the corner, so you can see the fear in my eyes
Then took me downstairs and beat me ´til I screamed and I cried
Congratulations
You´ll always have a room in my mind
But Imma keep the door shut and locked the lyrics inside

[Chorus]

Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain
See my problem is I don´t fix things
I just try to repaint, cover em up, like it never happen
Say I wish I could change. Are you confused?
Come upstairs and I show you what I mean
This room´s full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller of it seems (?)
The moment I walk into is the same moment that I wanna leave
I get sick to my stomach everytime I look at these things
But it´s hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep
I look around. One of the worst things I wrote on these walls
Was the moment I realized that I was losing my mom
And one of the first things I wrote was I was shot with a call (?)
But I should just stop now, we ain´t got enough room in this soul
And I regret the fact that I struggle trying to find who I am
And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can
Shrug it off like it ain´t nothing like inside of my head
Then get ticked off [?] whenever I see it affecting my plans
And I regret watching these trust-issues eat me alive
And at the weight I´m going you probably still be there when I die
Congratulations
You´ll always have a room in my mind
The question is: Will I ever clean the walls off inside

[Chorus]

So this room of my house, no one´s been in it for years
I built the safe room in, I won´t let no one in there
´Cause if I do, there´s a chance
That they might disappear and not come back
And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside
So I just leave my doors locked
You might get other doors to open up but this doors not
´cause I don´t want you to have the opportunity to hurt me
And I´ll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me
I´m barricaded inside
So stop watching
I´m not coming to the door
So stop knocking, stop knocking
I´m trapped here
God keep saying I´m not locked in
I chose this
I am lost in my own conscious
I know that shutting the wall down ain´t solving the problem
But I didn´t built this house because I thought it would solve ´em
I built it because I thought that it would be safer in there
But it´s not
I´m not the only thing that´s living in here
Fear came to my house years ago I let ´em in
Maybe that´s the problem
´cause I´ve been dealing with this ever since
I thought that he would leave, but it´s obvious he never did
He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in
Now I´m in the position it´s either sit here and let him win
Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can
´cause in order to do that I´d have to open the doors

Is that me or the fear talking?
I don´t know anymore