Songtext Criminal Eminem

Criminal

[Intro]
A lot of people ask me..
stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that..
what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record,
that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that,
I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you, you know why?
Cuz I'm a CRIMINAL!
CRIMINAL!
(You god damn right)
I'm a CRIMINAL!
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL!

[Verso 1]
My words are like a dagger
with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex,
hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress -
hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic?
Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans,
watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherfuckin balls,
you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum,
you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'?
How many records you expectin to sell
after your second LP
sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy,
I like gay men
Right, Ken?
Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord,
this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child,
help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me
a brand new car
And a prostitute while
my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher,
fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me,
my mom can't neither
You can't teach me
a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able
to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me
from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me
from droppin each March
with a brand new cd
for these fuckin retards
Duhhh, and to think,
it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck,"
still won't leave

[Ritornello x 2]
I'm a CRIMINAL
Cuz every time I write a rhyme,
these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind -
I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word,
I just flip em the bird
and keep goin,
I don't take shit from no one

[Verso 2]
My mother did drugs -
tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out -
disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up
just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby
cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL -
an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you supposed
to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older
and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller,
but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor
to fuck you up quicker
than you'd wanna fuck me up
for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp
when the president got oral
sex in his Oval Office
on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me,
you won't avoid me
You can't miss me,
I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes
fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined -
the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause
Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather,
so I'm takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with
an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and
spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've
kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you
not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL

[Interludio]
[Complice]
Aight look just go up
in that motherfucker
get the motherfuckin money
and get the fuck up outta there!
[Eminem]
Aight
[Complice]
I'll be right here waitin on you
[Eminem]
Aight
[Complice]
Yo Em
[Eminem]
What?!
[Complice]
Don't kill nobody this time!
[Eminem]
Awwright... god damn, fuck...
how you doin'?
[Impiegata]
Hi, how can I help you?
[Eminem]
Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Impiegata]
Okay
[Eminem]
Put the fuckin money
in the bag bitch
and I won't kill you!
[impiegata]
What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem]
I'm not gonna kill you bitch,
quit lookin around...
[Impiegata]
Don't kill me,
please don't kill me...
[Eminem]
I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you
Hurry the fuck up!
[sparo]
Thank you!

[Verso 3]
Windows tinted on my ride
when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank,
run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody
identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye
hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches,
bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky
I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a fuck,
I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick inbetween
my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin chickens
ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say,
so this tape is shut
Shit, half the shit I say,
I just make it up to make you mad
so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin rapist
in a Jason mask

[Ritornello x 2]